Recently, my fiance of more years than I want to say here broke up with me. So I hate myself now, and wish I was dead. Unfortunately, no such luck! Before you start sending me email saying "Well, you fucking whiney little faggot, kill yourself and do us all a favor?", I'll just say that I'm writing this page for my own tired amusement not for any of you assholes out there. I think humanity is a piece of shit and anyone that wants to send me mail and complain to me that I'm a piece of shit has serious problems. I mean really! If you want to act like you're better than me, and have a longer dick, that's your fucking perogative. If that's what gets you hard, be my fucking guest. Just don't expect any respect or sympathy from me.

I'M ANGRY!!!

Yes, I stole my page title from Lela Lee (www.angrylittlegirls.com). I guess I'm not very original or smart. Most of what's in this page are quotes (usually from music I like) and my comments on them. I'll try to give credit where credit is due. All of my life I have felt anger and hate. I have felt them for the world. But more fiercely, I have felt the anger and hatred towards myself. I will tell you a secret: I'm evil. Okay, its not much of a secret anymore! I try to be polite, but rarely are my intentions of the highest caliber. I wish people would just give up playing society's games and actually show who they are. Yeah, right!

Got a light -- shines on me. Gentle light it will never be. See this flame in my hand. If you're playing with fire you're playing in Hell. Devil's Plaything in my hand. If you don't want the pain, you don't understand. Got a light -- shines on me. Gentle light it will never be. -- Glenn Danzig

I think there should be a song that's tells the story of "Devil's Plaything" from the masochist's point of view. Something like "I'm a devil's plaything in your hands. I'm drowning in pain that I don't understand. Burn out my eyes, torture me. All I want is to be free." I don't understand where all of my pain and hatred come from. Other people don't seem to feel this way, so I can only assume I am defective in some way. My mother used to tell me "I feel sorry for the woman that marries you." My dad has two quotes that stick in my mind: "Women are just cunts." and "You inherited none of my good qualities."

...I'm praying for tidal waves. I want to see the ground give way. I want to watch it all crashing down. Please flush it all away.... -- TooL

From what I have seen of humanity, Nature might as well start over. Some people have very deep feelings. But more often, people seem to be out for themselves. Communicating with others seems to usually amount to chit chat -- "How's the weather?" "Where do you work?" We'd be better off being robots. At least they don't have feelings to keep bottled up. No...better off killing the people off and starting afresh.

I got by for so long just on fear and trust. I hope you see me scratching in the dust. -- Cowboy Sally

I've never had many friends. I've never wanted many, but close friendship is very special to me. I don't know how to talk to people any more or make friends. People have tried to talk to me, but I don't know what to say. If I said "I'M ANGRY AND HATE THE WORLD! PEOPLE ARE SO SHALLOW AND STUPID!" then probably people would want to talk to me even less. Yesterday, I went to a social event for graduate students. One of the people there was a woman I have a crush on (yes, I'm 25 and I still have "crushes" on people. Some people mature slowly, others not at all). She was nice to me, but I don't know what to say to her. Everything I could think of seemed so shallow and low. (heh! REM reference) So I went home crying. I cry a lot, especially for a "grown man".

You're going to cry, cry, cry, and you'll cry alone. When everyone's forgotten and you left on your own. You're going to cry, cry, cry. -- Cowboy Sally

I guess I don't really hate humanity as much as I pretend. I like watching people (well, SOME people anyway) from a distance, as I can hope that at least some people are honest with themselves when alone and just lie to the rest of society, like I do.

Die Welt ist ein Vampyr

Talking about yourself is boring. Its better to write about yourself. That way there is no ambiguity as to your intentions. People can choose whether they want to read my words, instead of me having to guess. Most people I talk to seem to secretly resent me talking, like their words and their intentions aren't lining up. I know when I talk about myself, I become the dreaded egoist I hate. I already told you I hate myself. Just like everyone else. I don't think I'm better than anyone else....just another mask with the same instincts and horrible faces that everyone else shows. What can I say, I'm an asshole! I have alot of stories in my mind. I guess that means I daydream too much! You need to be aware, not just create samsaric pleasure worlds!

as sure as the razor's course is run.maybe my kingdom's finally come -- trent reznor

So fuck people! I will live in my gilded cage and try to forget how empty it is. The only thing in the world that means anything to me is affection. Intimate affection. But I'm not very good at giving it or receiving it, I guess. Living in a world where I have no hope of every sharing intimacy with other people is worthless....or worse. But it does seem to be reality.

W: "All I wanted was a little affection!"; Y: "Yeah! Good luck in finding it!"

What can I say? I'm a whiney little white boy without much to physically complain about. But I hate my life and society. If you want to e-mail me and tell me how stupid I am, or even for other reasons, you can reach me at jhammel@eecs.berkeley.edu. No religious stuff though. Religion is just words that man invented to control other man. If you take away the words, its called spirituality: there's nothing there. If you want to tell me how God can save me (God = some guy that lives in heaven and loves everyone), I'll just say that I've been dead before. I didn't see any "God", just my thoughts and memories pouring down like a waterfall to drown you in.

I can see the music! -- Lisa Simpson

Its amazing to me how much some things about me have changed while others stay the same. Some things I used to think were very important now seem to be anathemas, while little things that have always been there now mean the life to me. Plants. Kitties. Even though my fiance hurt me very badly, she's one of the few people I would still call a friend. Kind of silly, isn't it? I guess I have no self-respect, or masculinity....just ANGER!